Self Pity Monster
What is a Self Pity Monster?
There is no doubt about it, you will have come across one or more of them. Today's culture is set up to pander to them.
A Self Pity Monster will see that you are in a good mood and feeling happy and cheerful and they will work out a way to make you miserable and feeling sorry for them, or trying to prove yourself to them.
An example being - imagine you just had some fantastic news, you got engaged, or found out you got a new job, or something else that makes you feel on top of the world. The Self Pity Monster (also known as a Psychic Vampire) will see you and how happy you are, and because they are in victim mode and feeling horrible, they can't stand to see you happy, so they will do one of two things - They will either:
1. Start complaining about a problem they have, either with their health, their job, their relationship, or some other problem. Anything at all. Instead of feeling so happy for you their friend they need to take that energy from you, drain you of it, and feed themselves. Instead of waiting for another time to talk about something with you that is troubling them, they will hit you with it and complain when your energy is most high.
2. Attack you in some way to make you feel guilty for being so happy, either by accusing you of being a bad person for laughing and joking and being happy, or think up a reason why you are not allowed to be happy. Maybe it is the anniversary of their Aunties death or something? It doesn't matter what, they will think up some way to make you feel bad and miserable.
It's all Me Me Me!
A Self Pity Monster spends all their time feeling sorry for themselves. They will ring you up and talk at you for hours and hours about all their problems, and not stop for a moment to even ask how you are, and if they do ask - when you try to reply, maybe saying you have a cold or something, they will cut you off and talk over you about how when they have a cold it is always so much worse than whenever anyone else has one. They will go into competition with you about illnesses and how hard done to they are. They talk like they are the only human in the world who has ever suffered. It is all me me me with these people.
Don't think for a moment you can dare to not give the Self Pity Monster your full undivided attention at all times. If you are out at the pub with a group of friends with a SPM and you are talking to others and enjoying yourself, the SPM will walk out and start sulking. You won't know where they have gone, so one of you will go and look for them. When you find them they will say they don't feel well, or just keep saying nothing is wrong, but refusing to come back and join you. Then everyone feels guilty for carrying on and forgetting them, so everyone makes a fuss (their intention in the first place) and they will have ruined the night. If you think this is just a one off try going out with them again, and again, you will soon notice the same pattern happening time and time again.
Alcohol Abuse and Mental Disorders as Excuses
Another tactic of he SPM is to get blind drunk and start hurling abuse at others or causing fights, again more attention seeking tactics and the next day they will be all sorry and say it wasn't them, it was the drink.
If they notice you getting wise to the their tricks and manipulation they will change tactic for a while, they will say they have learnt the errors of their ways and they want to change and get help. Of course the trips to Alcohols Anonymous or a Therapist won't last long, as they will realise that the people there won't make them the centre of attention and put up with their self pity. So it will soon all stop and they are back to square one.
Self Pity Monster and Relationships
A SPM will jump from one relationship to the next very quickly, as they can't be on their own. They need someone else to drain energy from. It won't much matter how unsuitable the person is for them, they will jump into bed and into a relationship with them right away.
They will accuse their partner of things, make them feel guilty, force them to prove themselves to them. They will expect them to put up with their mood swings and bad behaviour.
That person is then in for a very rocky ride until they realise what is going and on and dump them. The SPM can be a very hard person to escape from. They will threaten to commit suicide if you leave them, they will threaten to hurt your family members, they will threaten to smash up your car, anything at all. They are very dangerous people to get involved with.
Traits of a SPM
* superficial charm
* self-centred & self-important
* need for stimulation & prone to boredom
* deceptive behaviour & lying
* conning & manipulative
* little remorse or guilt
* shallow emotional response
* callous with a lack of empathy
* living off others or predatory attitude
* poor self-control
* promiscuous sexual behaviour
* early behavioural problems
* lack of realistic long term goals
* impulsive lifestyle
* irresponsible behaviour
* blaming others for their actions
* short term relationships
* varied criminal activity
What should you do if you are involved with a SPM?
If you recognise these symptoms in someone, do not approach them with this information. Just make your escape as quickly as possible. A SPM can not be talked round, they can not be reasoned with, they will attack you if you turn against them, aggressively. They will spread rumours about you and do anything they can to get pity from others and make you out to be the bad person.
Drained used up people who have been in the path of destruction on a SPM will be very run down and often will find all this very hard to deal with. But don't give up. It might seem like the lies the SPM is spreading about you will turn everyone against you, but any who are worthy of your friendship will stick by you, and those who don't really know you and listen to hearsay, well they aren't worth knowing anyway.
©Copyright TOT 13th May 2011 All Rights Reserved